Pull Yourself Up By The Bootstraps

How the lie of individualism is ruining your business growth and future

I have never liked hearing people say “I pulled myself up by the bootstraps”. It never sat well with me. First of all it’s not even physically possible. It’s basically an impossibility that is being used as a catch phrase for rugged individualism.

This narrative fits neatly into the deeper levels of systemic issues faced in this country. It completely severs any ties to community and detaches from social support. Some folks don’t even have boots let alone straps.

Those of us who are born here are conditioned to believe this nonsense.

Others who arrive here have to buy into this when they come to America or the West in general.

You must leave all the other things behind in search of your individual stamp and place.

You must have a single family home and at 18 you must kick the kids out and they must fly on their own.

You must not work for the family, but you must go and make your own way.

You must move across the country in search of something different and leave your parents to fend for themselves. They should’ve handled their finances anyway, right?

And you should struggle until you figure out how to buy a home yourself. You shouldn’t stay with your parents and if you do you should pay them rent… RENT to parents while inflation goes up and wages are stagnant; Rent to your parents who bought a home for $30,000 in 1975 when they could actually afford one with a retail job as a manager at Woolworth. Try buying a home with a retail job today.

Figure it out.

You’re an individual and everything points towards requiring you to get it on your own. And so we rarely ask for help for fear of being looked at as lesser than.

But I’ve lived overseas.

I’ve seen family structures in Eastern cultures that don’t adhere to this individualist behavior.

Honestly, this is often the commonality I’ve seen from Africa to Asia and South America and Indigenous cultures. I’ve seen how family units generally stay close knit.

I remember growing up and many of my Asian friends having grandparents who stayed together in their home.

I recall the impact of my grandparents being within the same city as my family. It allowed my parents to save on things as simple as childcare costs. It allowed us as children to grow up with a transmission of vital culture and understandings that oftentimes a parent cannot transmit.

I have seen how in countries like Singapore, the children live with parents until they are married and once married they then apply for housing and then move out.

Familial structure and community is a major part of the fabric of society.

We have been conditioned to see ourselves as individuals and we operate from a scarcity mindset on top of this. So when we begin our business we often don’t ask for help. We figure we have to do it on our own. We don’t ask for financial support and oftentimes because we’ve lived such an individualized life, our closest friends don’t even support our business.

We tend to be secretive about our needs and we think that no one wants to hear that our business is struggling so we conceal it, which doesn’t allow people who want to help an opportunity to do so.

No one has made it to where they are today in business without the help of someone.

They have not done it on their own.

Someone gave them seed money at some point.

Someone let them stay on their couch at some point.

Someone introduced them to the right person at some point.

Someone gave them a piece of advice at some point.

Someone referred a customer at some point.

Our business is not an island.

We have to connect with others and build community. We have to hire people to do the things we are incapable of doing.

I’m not saying this will be easy, but breaking out of the individualistic mindset is key to building. Throughout the vast majority of human history, our greatest achievements have been when we came together. We are by nature, communal beings. While some were asleep, others were awake for protection. While some went to hunt, others stayed with the children or gathered.

As we build our businesses (whatever they might be), we should remember that no one goes it alone. We need each other and the only way we build something strong and long lasting is if we do it together.

I’d love to hear your thoughts below.